I’ve always known that video games have helped my mental health. There’s always been a game for me to take my mind off a problem, allowing me to relax and take a mental break.
In the case of Death Stranding, it was something I needed to do every day to help me cope with the stress caused by the first lockdown of the 2020 pandemic, and learning that my wife was pregnant with our first child, who is now four. It was too much news in one week, and I couldn’t escape. Locked down, I was literally trapped with my stressful thoughts and my pregnant wife.

The perfect pandemic gameI’m a huge Hideo Kojima fan, but I didn't play the game when it came out in 2019. I kept waiting for the right moment. During the first week of lockdown, I needed something to do. So I headed to the PlayStation Store, and there it was: the best possible pandemic game, Death Stranding.If you haven’t yet played, it’s set in a post-apocalyptic America. People don’t go out anymore. It’s not a virus, but there’s death lurking everywhere, and people live in silos and bunkers. It’s your job to visit others in lockdown and try to reconnect the world. It’s basically a post-apocalyptic Amazon delivery service simulator.It was the perfect symbol of what we were experiencing in the real world. We were all locked in our little bunkers, trying to connect. Video calls with friends and family felt like continuing the game even after turning the console off. And, further intensifying my connection with the game, you have to carry a baby, and I knew that in six months, no matter the world’s state, I would have a real baby in my arms. 

“Death Stranding is such a perfect exercise in melancholy. I love media that causes me to ruminate on my own existence”- The Gamer

Death Stranding is an unusual game, with a lot of slow walking and meditative moments. But amidst the stress and panic of the pandemic and the news of becoming a soon-to-be father, the game forced me to slow down and reflect. It also made me envision a world worse than the one we were living in, yet people were trying to survive and connect. I played the game religiously and took my time, even when progress was slow because I didn’t want it to end. It gave me hope.

Returning to the apocalypseI stopped playing as soon as the lockdown was lifted, almost like I didn’t want to finish the experience. It took me two years to feel comfortable enough to return to it because, as much as the game helped me, it is attached to a very stressful moment in my life. But Death Stranding 2 is coming out soon, and I really want to play it, even without the excuse of a pandemic. Now with two children, I’m ready to turn that page.